Always believe your child’s fears
Telling a child, “Don’t be ridiculous! There are no monsters in your closet!” may get him to go to bed, but it won’t make the fear go away.
However, don’t cater to fears. If your child doesn’t like dogs, don’t cross the street deliberately to avoid one. This will reinforce that dogs should be feared and avoided.
Teach the child how to rate fear
Teach your child how to rate the intensity of the fear on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the strongest. Your child may be
able to “see” the fear as less intense than first imagined. Younger children can think about how “full of fear” they are, with being full “up to my knees” as not so scared, “up to my stomach” as more frightened, and “up to my head” as truly petrified.
Teach coping strategies
Try these easy-to-implement techniques. Using you as “home base,” the child can venture out toward the feared object, and then return to you for safety before venturing out again. The child can also learn some positive self-statements, such as “I can do this” and “I will be OK,” which he can say to himself when he feels anxious. Relaxation techniques are helpful as well, including visualization (of floating on a cloud or lying on a beach, for example) and deep breathing (imagining that the lungs are balloons and letting them slowly deflate).
Other strategies to implement
- Set realistic expectations for your child
- Use positive statements and reinforcement “I love the way you did that!”
- Allow your child to succeed on his /her own
- Allow your child to learn how to manage his/her own feelings by using a feeling chart
- Avoid passing your anxiousness and fears onto your child
Medical Check-up
If your child has an unusual pattern of constant fears and anxiousness, contact your medical doctor and schedule a physical appointment. Share your concerns with your medical doctor.
Im a single parent and my daughter is 5….i seperated from her dad when she was 2 and things havent been at all good with us. She still has contact with him through his mother. Lately she has become very withdrawn, not wanting to play out with her friends, visit relatives or anything social. She gets very upset and complains of tummy pains. Im extremely worried and I havent a clue what i can do about it. Shes in the middle of her school holidays at the moment and she seemed fine when she was in school interacting with lots of children and learning new things, Im wondering could this be the problem, could she maybe need to join a club or something. Please help, Im at my wits end
Amy.
my daughter is 13. She is always nervous.she has panic attacks in the beginning of the school year that she wont be able to keep up with the work. she is a nervous wreck. she also cannot tolerate noise well. she feels my 10 year old son breathes too loud and she cant be in the same room as him. When people whisper she sticks her fingers in her ears to block out the noise. Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do with her to relax her?
These two parents received help from “Ask A Counselor” listed under Online Parent Counselor in the feature box at the top of this Website. You can too!
My daughter is 9 and my son 11. I have been home with them for 11 years, and just recently went back to work full time. Her nervousness about me going back to work seemed manageable those first couple of weeks because she was in school all day, and my 11 year old would get her off the bus, and 45 minutes later, my husband would be home.
Now that it’s school vacation, every morning,. it’s a teary struggle to get out the door, regardless of who is staying with her for the day, or what activities I’ve planned for her to go out and do with friends. She doesn’t want to go. She’s says her stomach is upset, and she can’t make it through another terrible day without me. This continues all day, with crying phone calls, and continues into the night, with worry about the next day. How can I help her make this adjustment for days off to come.
help i have a daughter that has severe anxiety about going to bed and i am at my wits end i don’t know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions on what i can do to help calm her to go to bed without all the problems. she is five years old and I just cant seem to find anything that works!HELP
I have a son, 9 years old, that has this very same struggle with going to bed. I have found a wonderful CD called “Indigo Dreams” that I stumbled upon on the Autism website.
It is amazing how it puts him to sleep in a peaceful state of mind.
Before the CD, he would wrap the covers so tightly over his entire body including his head, like he was in a cacoon.
This CD is becoming our bedtime ritual. We do it together and after the second story, his arms are outstretched and his body is peaceful and calm and he is fast asleep.
The key that I find is to get into a routine and structured bedtime each night and plan on taking 30 minutes to get them to bed each night. I found this to be a lifesaver in our home!