Author and Parent Educator, Judy H. Wright knows the right words to use when she’s teaching parents how to encourage their children. Parenting children can be a balacing act that requires us to encourage while avoiding false praise or enabling inappropriate behavior. Wright’s fifteen confidence building phrases provides parents with example of positive encouragement while avoiding unnecessary praise or false compliments.
“Home, home on the range, Where never is heard
A discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day!”
Encouraging Phrases to Build Confidence
Oh, wouldn’t a world without discouraging words be wonderful! Unfortunately,
most parents and bosses tend to feel instead that criticism and pointing out what
is wrong will make others want to do what is right. The truth is that people cannot
improve unless they feel good enough about themselves to believe they are
capable of improvement. An encouraging parent uses methods, words and
actions that indicate a respect for the child and a faith in his abilities instead of
negative comments.
Jack Canfield, author of Chicken Soup for the Soul, often cites a
study completed by graduate students who followed a group of normal two-year
olds around for a day. These typical kids from typical homes received 432
negative statements and only 32 positive statements daily. The teachers, aides
and other children were constantly saying things like “don’t touch that”, “no, it is
done this way”, and “no, you are not big enough.” The national Parent Teacher
Organization (PTO) found the ratio of praise-to-criticism of school age children is
18 negative to each positive. It is automatic human nature to state things in the
negative; we have to learn positive words.
Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and
strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth. I like to
think of the word ”encourage” as “en”courage, or giving the gift of courage.
Inherent in that gift is the idea that it is okay to take risks and perhaps even to
fail – the important thing is to go ahead and try it anyway. When we give a child
encouragement, we are saying to keep trying, keep up with the progress, and to
celebrate the journey, not just the victory.
We need to convey though words and gestures that we appreciate their efforts
and improvement, not just their accomplishments. We need to make sure they
understand that our love and acceptance is not dependent on their behavior.
Here is a list of 15 encouraging words and phrases that will assist your child to
keep trying and increase his self-esteem and confidence:
1. “I like the way you handled that”
2. “Wow, you really thought out the solution to that problem”
3. “I have faith in your ability”
4. “I appreciate what you did”
5. “You are really showing improvement”
6. “I know you will figure out a good way to do it next time”
7. “You don’t have to be perfect. Effort and improvement are important.”
8. “I trust you to be responsible”
9. “It must make you proud of yourself when you accomplish something like
that”
10. “You are a valuable part of the team”
11. “It is okay to make a mistake, we all do. What do you think you learned
from it?”
12. “How can we turn this into a positive?”
13. “I’m proud of you for trying”
14. “I’ll bet by next year you will be able to handle it, you just need to grow a
little”
15. “I know you are disappointed that you didn’t win, but you’ll do better next
time.”
© Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator, author and international speaker is also
known as Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer. Please go to
www.ArtichokePress.com for a full line of books, workshops and cd’s on
parenting, as well as FREE e-zine, The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in
the journey of life. Check out the interactive blog at
www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com and free eBook at
www.UseEncouragingWords.com
