Can You Build Self-Confidence In Someone Else?

2008 January 28 by: Scott

As the aunt of a young niece, I’m obsessed with the topic of girls and self-confidence. If there’s anything I can do to help her avoid what I went through—fear of looking bad while learning something new, self-doubt, and reluctance to try new things—I’m determined to do it. But is it possible to build someone else’s self-confidence?

Get the Facts

To answer this question, I went to the parents of the most confident kids I know. I asked if they had a secret formula. All the parents agreed that while parents (or aunts) can’t give their children self-confidence, they can create opportunities that can. Kids need:

Lots of chances to succeed

Different types of experiences

Opportunities to build on success

Role models for handling failure

Chances to Succeed

“Kids need opportunities to experience success,” says Harriet S. Mosatche, Ph.D., senior director, Research and Program at Girl Scouts of the USA. Mosatche is a developmental psychologist, author of Girls: What’s So Bad About Being Good?: How to Have Fun, Survive the Preteen Years, and Remain True to Yourself, and the mom of Elizabeth—a very confident high school senior and contributor to that book.

“As a parent, you can set up opportunities every day, where your kids can feel successful,” Mosatche adds. “But remember, it has to be a real success—something that’s a challenge for them. Once that challenge has been met a few times, it’s time for a new one.”