The official guide to Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships
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Divorce is always good for women, if not right away, then eventually. I say this because women typically do not divorce on a whim, they do so after years sacrificing their wants and needs for the benefit of others, until they finally learn that unhappiness is not par for the course.
Women take unhappiness more seriously than men because unhappiness takes a bigger toll on us. When women put in too much effort for extended periods of time, we are the ones who end up drained, irritable, sick, and empty; lonely marriages deplete women while men hang on, happy with just being comfortable and content enough to stay, even after intimacy drifts off. Women won’t do that, we only tolerate so much unhappiness, boredom, and disconnectedness before we finally feel alone in the relationship, and then the idea of leaving isn’t such a big deal.
When women finally bail out, it’s after realizing unhappiness is a symptom of bigger problems in the marriage. By then, we may have hinted, suggested, bitched, complained, waited, forgave, forgot, gave second, third, and fourth chances, gave more sex, gave less sex-or no sex, considered separation, threatened divorce, gave ultimatums, turned off, tuned out, and given up. It doesn’t happen overnight or all of a sudden, and it isn’t a surprise~which is how many men explain it.
Once we actually leave, it appears to be easy for us to move on and we are guilt free about the decision, and strong. We don’t look back because we left after a barrage of missed signals and unanswered cries for change; the mourning of the relationship, doesn’t happen at the end for women, it happened slowly over a long period of time during the marriage, so divorce represents a renewal for women, and a relief. For men, the opposite is true; men feel blindsided and even fall into a downward spiral of trying to figure out what the hell happened, and when it happened. The truth is, they didn’t meet their ladies at the half way point consistently, or at all.
After perhaps years of unmatched energy and unsustained fervor, women want to feel alive again~preferably with our husbands, but if they aren’t going to join us, we will go find life elsewhere, because we have to; it isn’t personal. Divorce allows women to salvage the rest of our lives and it catapults us into second (or even first) careers~and it puts us into the arms of men who see us, chase us, like us, and love us well~or, it gives us a much needed break and some down time, maybe for the first time in years. Either way, it feels like we won.
Teagin Maddox is a media consultant and commentator, providing analysis and interpretation of high conflict/destructive relationship cases-and a Certified Life and Relationship Coach. She delivers powerfully effective communication strategies that help women recognize, avoid, and recover from destructive relationships and teaches dating safety, awareness, and success programs for women of all ages. Learn more about her at www.TeaginMaddox.com and on facebook.