Parenting a child who has attention deficit disorder (ADD) or attention deficit hyper-active disorder (ADHD) can place a lot of stress on a parent when that emotional feeling could best be utilized in a manner that is more nututring and instructional. The following ScottCounseling article will help a parent understand that they are not to blame for a child’s inability to stay focus and calm. Out of control children are best served by a parent who displays that calmness themself and avoids the ADD/ADHD parent guilt trip.
Is ADD/ADHD Caused by Poor Parenting?
No! In fact, to date, scientists have not been able to find the gene that you may have passed on to your child to bring about ADD/ADHD. However, research studies have indicated that nearly 50% of all parents who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD have children with this disorder. Ten to thirty percent of close relatives of children with ADD/ADHD also have the disorder. Poor parenting does not cause this disorder, but some research seems to indicate that ADD/ADHD may be inherited.
Parenting Strategies In Helping A Child With Attention Deficit
Communicate. Be clear and concise when communicating with your child. Give instructions one step at a time; make requests one at a time.
Be consistent. What you expect one day should be what you expect every day. Don’t give in just because you’re tired or the child is nagging.
Set a good example. Show your child the behaviors you’d like to see. Be a model of patience, healthy habits, and good manners. Be at least as organized as you want your child to be.
Anticipate and avoid problems. Know your child’s triggers and what situations lead to problems. Become adept at heading off trouble before it starts.
Praise good behavior. Praise is a powerful reinforcer, so make every effort to “catch your child being good”.
Negotiate and consult with your child. You’re a parent, not a drill sergeant, so try to avoid barking orders at your child.
Start a dialogue, and be open to what your kid has to say.
Pick your battles. Not every situation requires intervention. Keep the big picture in mind and let the little things slide. If you don’t, your home will be one of constant conflict and criticism.
Other factors to consider:
Remember, your child’s behavior is related to a disorder. Most of the time it is not intentional.
Hold on to your sense of humor. What’s embarrassing today may be a funny family story ten years from now.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. One chore left undone isn’t a big deal when your child has completed two others plus the day’s homework.
Be willing to make some compromises. If you’re a perfectionist or someone who prizes order and decorum, your child is not the only one who needs to change.
Recognize everything that is positive, valuable, and unique about your child.
Trust that your child can learn, change, mature, and succeed. Nurture your child’s talents and channel those aspects of ADD/ADHD that can be channeled positively. Today’s dreamer may be the next J.K. Rowling.
Let your child make mistakes and learn from them, but be there for comfort when mistakes cause pain. Promote a healthy self-esteem by nurturing the skills your child needs and communicating your unwavering love, approval, and support.
Educate siblings about ADD/ADHD.
Establish a clear set of rules that everyone in the home must follow.
Spend quality time with all your kids. Plan activities that are enjoyable for the whole family.
Don’t take the successes of your unaffected kids for granted. Praise their unique qualities, abilities, and achievements.
Parents need to take care of themselves too!
Look after your own health, and find ways to reduce stress.
Find the support you need and take advantage of it.
Cut yourself some slack if your child with ADD/ADHD doesn’t become a model child overnight: you’re a parent, not a magician.
