Death: Helping Children Cope With Grief and Loss
2008 March 27 by: Scott
Shock: After one begins to accept that a loss has occurred, shock often begins to set in. Your body and mind take a big hit. The emotions often run deep to the point where you feel as though your breath is being taken away. Helplessness is a common feeling. It’s experiencing a moment that you don’t want to go through. Some medical professionals describe shock as the body’s way of taking care of it’s self. Your heart may beat faster to restore the oxygen used quickly by your blood cells. The body is also using more energy and your metabolism is strongly challenged. Faint or loss of consciousness may occur.
Confusion and Questioning: It’s not uncommon to become disoriented and confused after a loss. Loss brings about a change and change brings about confusion and numerous questions. Questions may include:
“Why did this happen to me?”“What am I going to do now?”
“Why do I feel this way?”“How long am I going to feel this way?”
There are hundreds of questions that come with a loss. No question is a bad question, but the answers may often be hard to find. It will take time.
Guilt, Anger and Fear: Many individuals who have gone through a loss may experience the feelings of guilt, anger and fear. The feeling of guilt may come after one assesses how the loss occurred and what could have been done to prevent it. You may want to blame yourself (or others) for not doing enough to prevent the loss. Guilt often leads to anger. Anger at yourself and anger at others (including your God) may occur. The feeling of anger is normal and okay as long as the anger does not become revengeful, destructive or violent toward self or others. Fear of loosing control, the unknown and being alone with your thoughts is also common. Fear, like shock, is a body protection mechanism. It tells us that something is wrong and we need help.
*If you (or someone you know) gets to a point where anger leads you to violence or destructive behavior, it’s important that you (or the person you know) get professional medical or mental health attention. When we have a toothache, we see a dentist. When we are having a difficult time seeing, we see an optometrist (eye doctor). When our car breaks down, we see an auto mechanic. And, when our brain and body aches, we see a doctor.
Help and Healing: It is a strong person, not a weak person that gets help. We all need help after a loss. Admitting that we need help is the beginning of the healing process after a loss. There are very few (if any) human beings who have made it through their entire life without receiving some kind of help. Don’t be stubborn! Don’t let your pride get in the way to begin the healing process. Accept help!
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Comment by Elaine Williams—March 28, 2008 @ 8:39 am