There are hundreds of ways to discipline your child. Long before any disciplining takes place with your child, an unconditional love needs to be established. Some are simple and some are not hard to do at all. Before any parent can begin to implement any successful discipline strategies, a relationship and rapport needs to be established between the parent and child. The child facing discipline for inappropriate behavior needs to know and feel that the parent loves him or her and that discipline is part of parenting love. Once the child knows that he or she is loved and cared for, discipline does not become an act of hate, but an act of teaching and learning.
Take a minute to see how your parenting love matches up with the list below from the American Academy of Pediatrics’ top 10 ways to show love for a child.
Remember, happiness is key to a child’s health.
1. Before your child is born, don’t take drugs or alcohol and don’t smoke.
2. Set aside time for reading to your children, even as babies. They love the sound of your voice, and children of all ages benefit from a love of reading.
3. Talk with your pediatrician to make sure your child’s health records are up-to-date and all vaccinations are done. Keep a copy of health records at home.
4. Check your home for possible dangers and remove them. Be sure medicines, cleaning supplies, sharp objects and other potential hazards are locked up and out of reach. Keep small objects away from children 3 years old and younger to prevent choking. Ask local officials if your home or water supply should be tested for lead.
5. Provide safe transportation. Put infants and children younger than 12 in the back seat of the car, not the front seat, particularly if there is an air bag. Be sure your child’s safety seat is installed properly and that it is appropriate for height and weight. Insist that your child buckles up just like you.
6. Observe carefully and ask questions of your child’s caregivers to be sure the care setting is safe (including transportation), healthy and developmentally appropriate. Make a note to get involved in community efforts promoting child safety.
7. Use plenty of positive words. Encourage your child with phrases such as “You can do it!” and “You’re such a big boy!” Nurture self-esteem and self-confidence by praising a job well-done and show interest in what your child is saying.
8. Each day, renew your efforts to monitor your child’s activities and provide structure to the day. Limit the kind and amount of television your child watches. Have meals at predictable times, and insist on a regular bedtime and homework time. To help your child learn to respect the body, set aside time to join your child in a physical activity and offset gifts of candy with healthy treats.
9. Make an extra effort to set a good example at home and in public with words like “I’m sorry,” “please,” and “thank you.” When you become frustrated and angry with your child, avoid name-calling or hurtful words. Avoid unwanted tension by giving young children as much extra time as you can for transitions.
10. Give your child a hug. Or a cuddle, pat or whatever gesture of affection your child favors. Try this when your child is angry, argumentative or in a bad mood. And don’t forget to say, “I love you.”
Middle School children and teenagers are sometime hard to love. As a parent, you may need some extra ammunition, or
some extra patience. Most often, you do not need extra words. Here are some examples:
Tell them how much they mean to you. Give them a gentle touch, a smile, a loving word. Love is important for healthy development. Research shows that teens who feel close to their parents are more likely to make good decisions about sex, drugs, drinking, cigarettes, and violence. The strong bond that you have with your young adults gives them confidence to go out into the world and succeed.
Love them even when they push you away:
Adolescence is also a time when young adults are pushing for more freedom. Sometimes it can feel like they are shutting you out. Be patient. Don’t forget to tell them how much they are loved.
If your teen argues with you, stay calm: Try not to lose your temper. Stay on the subject. Explain your point of view and then stop. Don’t yell. If you yell, they will yell back.
If you do lose your temper, apologize later: It will show them that it’s OK to make a mistake and apologize.
Don’t frighten them with threats: Don’t hit. It may crush their spirit. They may think anger and violence is the way to solve problems.
Teach respect to your teen: Be respectful. Expect them to be respectful, too.
Never hold back love as punishment: Young adults need to know they are loved, even when they make mistakes. Putting them down will make them feel badly about themselves. Then they will be more likely to make poor decisions.
Show love when you are happy, sad, and even when you’re mad: Teenagers can be moody and argue. Don’t let them bait you into saying things you don’t mean.
Keep a sense of humor: But don’t use sarcasm or mean teasing. It hurts their self-esteem.
Do not confuse love with giving into whatever they say they want: Don’t give in to them because you feel guilty.
Try Saying:
“I love you, it’s your behavior I don’t like.
“I enjoy your company and want you to spend some time with me. ”
“You’ve given me your point of view and I’ve given you mine. I made the decision that I think is best for you because I love you.”
“I love you and it hurts when you tell me you hate me. I can’t accept that kind of talk from you.”
Always end the day with…”I love you.”
