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Have you ever found yourself fighting against the feelings of possessiveness and jealousy? These are the two main factors that can ruin a loving relationship. However, having an awareness of your behaviours and having the determination to change is half the battle won! After that, putting the strategies listed below into practise can free you of these harmful feelings so you can enjoy healthy relationships.
The Signs of Jealousy
The principal traits of a jealous person are an immense inferiority complex and selfishness. While we might be aware that a jealous person is selfish, we may not be aware that he has an inferiority complex. This is because he hides it with a show of self-confidence.
Selfishness rears its nasty head when your partner shows even a small amount of attention to someone or something else instead of you. You feel bitter about not being the focus of interest and jealousy overcomes you. At such times, you won’t think about anyone else’s well-being but your own.
Do you have feelings like these? If you do, then it’s vital that you realize they point to jealousy.
Test Yourself for Selfishness
Answer these questions:
Am I prepared to return the favour?
Am I prepared to allow a similar privilege?
If both your answers are negative, you’re most likely being selfish.
What you need to do, if you’re jealous, is to conquer your feelings of inferiority and extreme need for approval.
Jealousy vs Envy
Even though most people are inclined to interchange these words, envy and jealousy are two separate emotions. Envy is when you desire to do as well as the other person. Jealousy is when you want to be the only person who’s doing well. The jealous person always wants to take away the other person’s achievement.
The thing is envy can be a helpful emotion when you use it correctly. It can encourage you on to improve yourself and your status.
In the case of possessiveness, there’s no other person involved. You feel of no value unless someone adores you and proves it by smothering you with their total attention.
Both possessiveness and jealousy come from the same source: an overpowering want for love and appreciation.
The Way to Change
If you do have these unpleasant traits there are techniques you can use to lessen, or do away with these negative feelings. With a bit of effort, you can be well on your way to having enjoyable relationships free of jealousy and possessiveness.
Here are five great tips that can help you conquer these feelings:
1. Remember nobody is perfect! Everyone has some flaws. You don’t need to be faultless to be useful. Why should you permit others to judge your worth? Do they have a PhD in the subject matter?
2. Be caring to yourself. When you come across challenges or a break-up in your relationship, remember that self-blame leads to guilt and feelings of weakness. If possible, blame your conduct, but not yourself. Keep away from indulging in self-pity.
3. Believe that you can change. You might think that jealousy and possessiveness are an inherent part of your character that you cannot change. However, you can change! You only have to consider people who have stopped smoking or stopped drinking alcohol to appreciate that change is possible. If they can change for the better, so can you!
4. Everyone is their own person. A lot of people in romantic relationships think that they “belong” to one another. This is one of the most hazardous beliefs of the jealous and possessive person. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve given of yourself to your lover, you just cant think of them as you would your house or car. If they have decided to leave you, let them go. There’s absolutely no purpose in caging someone who doesn’t care for you any more. Such a relationship would have no harmony.
5. Take up a hobby. Someone that makes another person the centre of their life is a naturally jealous and possessive person. One good way to put an end to focusing your life on your lover, is to acquire an interest of your own. Improve your skills in your hobby, and you’ll find that you’re no longer preoccupied with your relationship. That’s because you will be passionate about something else other than your lover.
So if you’re jealous and possessive, put these tips into action; and develop your sense of self-worth and learn to look at things as they really are. As a consequence, you’ll find your relationships blossoming into beauty and happiness!
About the Author:
Dion Daly is a certified trainer in hypnosis, a master practitioner in NLP and TLT. He also has a degree in metaphysics.
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