Divorce is difficult. There are no easy answers. It’s difficult managing your own emotions and handling your own personal matters, let alone handling your child’s concerns. Below are some coping factors that you may want to consider while helping you child. It’s always important to take into account your child’s age, child development, level of maturity and emotional stability before you discuss the follow with your child.
- Is it possible for both parents meet with the child together?
Having the ability to meet together while discussing any issue, regarding your child, shows that you can still work together for the betterment of the child. The child sees that you are civil, respectful and sharing your concerns together.
- Tell your child that you love him or her.
It is common for children to question their parents love during this challenging time.
- Tell you child that he or she is not at fault.
A large percentage of children believe that they are to blame for the divorce. Tell the child that it is not his or her fault.
- Tell your child that you will be there for him or her. You will listen.
Some children see you hurting so they not want to share their feelings and cause more pain. They may even tell you that “I am doing fine,” when he is feeling “not so fine!”
- Be honest! Be sincere.
Do not make promises that you can not deliver on!
According to child psychology and child development advocates, children, regardless of which parent they live with, have certain rights. They deserve truthful answers to their questions, recognition of their feelings, and relief from feelings of blame or guilt. Experts who have studied children and divorce recommend parents consider the following tips when dealing with their children:
After an agreement has been reach in the divorce, in an age-appropriate manner, explain how the agreement will affect your child. Helping your child understand issues regarding custody and visitation may help a child feel more secure as to what is going to happen to them. “Where will I live?” is a common question.
- Agree to allow both parents to actively participate in the child’s life.
Encourage your child’s school to keep both parents informed of conferences, special events, and any academic concerns. Allow your child opportunities for private communication with each parent. Encourage phone calls, emails, text messages, or handwritten letters.
- Don’t fight in front of your child.
Don’t complain about your former spouse when your child is around. Remember, your child shares half of your former spouse’s DNA. An attack on him/her is an attack on your child.
- Provide your child with opportunities to discuss his/her feelings.
If he/she seems unusually depressed or is having trouble in school, considering enlisting the support of a therapist trained to deal with the issues surrounding children and divorce.
