Hurting Teens: Parenting A Teen Going Through Pain
2008 April 09 by: Scott
Emotional stress, anxiety and depression are leading indicators that your teen is hurting. Signs and symptoms often go unreported as teens often feel that their parents “just don’t understand,” “seem not to care,” or “are too old to know” how teens feel. The fact is, parents do care, but are unsure of the symptoms or the meaning of the symptoms of a hurting teen. Below are some of the signs and symptoms and examples of how parents can respond.
Is your teen hurting?
Knowing When Your Teen Is Hurting…
- Your teen is beginning to overreact to situations that he or she has handled well at an earlier time.
- You teen begin to avoid you or other adults that she or he is usually comfortable being around.
- Your teen is no longer seeking your approval or asking for your advice.
- Your teen begins to share with you how “cool” other parents are leaving you out cold.
- Your teen reports that everything is going well when his or her actions show that this is not true.
- Your teen snaps at you or says nothing after you make welcoming comments like, “Hello” or “How’s it going?”
What Parents Can Do…
- Ask your teen what is wrong, or if you have an idea that you may have done something to cause your teen to feel hurt, say, “Let’s talk about what happened.”
- Use “open-ended” questions or comments like: “I noticed that you have been quiet lately,” or “You sound angry, because?”
- Be patient. Be calm. Don’t overreact to your teen’s overreactions.
- Leave your teen a note on his or her bed sharing how you care for him or her and want to help.
- Discuss your teen’s schedule with him or her. Overwhelmed teens often become more quiet or more loud. Stress is often reduced when we help our teen plan a manageable schedule.
- If your teen makes a comment like, “You just don’t understand,” or “you will never understand,” be patient. Say nothing. Don’t leave. Your teen will begin to talk. This may surprise you, but many teens don’t talk because they are waiting for us to talk.
- Ask your teen, “How does this make you feel?” Allow time to share more than one feeling. Mad often = hurt.
If your teen is using suicidal talk or expresses a feeling of “wanting to die,” contact your medical doctor today.
Read and try some of the communication techniques in the Scott Counseling section entitled, “Communicating With Your Teen.”
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