Parenting children and shaping a child’s behavior through positive parenting approaches is an important parenting skill. Appreciating your child for who she or he is, is also important. Helping your child discover his or her uniqueness is something that helps the child build a positive image and ultimately, self-esteem. The following article by author, Dr. Caron Goode, will begin to open your mind and possibly examine your own personal parenting style when it come to learning to appreciate “your child’s personal style.”
Appreciating Your Child’s Personal Style
Each of us has our own style. Personal style is a natural predisposition toward time, stress, people, tasks, and situations. It is also the foundation on which preferences, reactions, and life values are built. When parents understand their child’s personal style, communication and interaction become easier and more effective. This can help parents achieve the behavioral results they want, and the harmony they desire.
There are four personal styles: behavioral, cognitive, interpersonal, and affective. There are bits and pieces of each personal style in all of us. However, one is typically dominant. In my family, I am the creative one, the dreamer. My personal style is affective. Much to the dismay of my highly organized daughter, I am a bit scattered and slow to move. She has a very logical thought process and works every option through before taking action. My thoughts, on the other hand, tend to lean more towards the experimental what-if side, and my actions follow suit. I make decisions based on instinct. My cognitive-style daughter uses knowledge as her guide.
In other words, my apple could not have fallen farther from the tree! While this is true, over the years my daughter and I have grown to love, respect, and admire the differences in our individual styles. By identifying your child’s personal style, you gain a whole new understanding of his behavior and motives. This information can be used to set guidelines, modify expectations, and iron out problem spots in your relationship. Read on to learn more about the four personal styles in children and the best way to parent each of them.
• Behavioral children need freedom and self-expression. They are often bold, willful, productive, competitive, unemotional, and self-reliant. These children rarely talk about their problems or emotions. Instead they set goals, and take action. They like to be leaders, and enjoy recognition. They are independent learners. They prefer real-life examples over abstract thinking or discussion. They also enjoy structure, dislike control, and will question authority if their parents appear incongruent.
Parenting behavioral-style children should include a no-blame, non-emotional approach to communication. Since these children are typically unemotional, demonstrative parents shouldn’t take it personally if their child doesn’t respond in kind. These children appreciate fairness, logic, honesty, and directness. When assigning tasks, do not give direction. Instead, state the benefit or reward, and ask when and how it will be completed.
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