• Cognitive children need affirmation and understanding. They are deep thinkers who thoroughly examine issues. They value intimacy, respect, and good relationships. These children take instruction well. They also admire expertise and knowledge. They are organized, enjoy working with data, and can be perfectionists. They enjoy math and numbers, and may spend hours at their computers.
Parenting cognitive-style children should involve appreciation and respect. This will go a long way towards developing a good relationship. When assigning these children a task, Remember, they are not competitive and might not respond to rewards for tasks. Instead, lay out the activity and provide the time and freedom necessary to complete it. If the task is unfinished, do not argue with the child or make generalities. These children respond best to calmly stated facts such as, “You didn’t clean your room today.” As opposed to, “You never clean your room.” Parents should offer only constructive suggestions, not criticism. As perfectionists, these children criticize themselves enough without any help.
• Interpersonal children need appreciation and trust. They are highly perceptive, and require honesty. These children are the family peacemakers. They worry if there are arguments or illnesses. They feel disharmony deeply, and often internalize it. They are sometimes shy, and value security and stability. Therefore, they don’t transition well unless they are prepared beforehand.
Parenting interpersonal-style children should center on friendly non- threatening communication. These children listen well and are observant. Therefore, modeling behavior for them is key. As peacemakers, they willingly join forces with parents to solve problems. They prefer tasks with graduated stages of difficulty. That way they can easily mark their success. If the hardest problem is presented first, they feel overwhelmed. Then they don’t finish. If parents appreciate these children, they feel great about themselves.
• Affective children are highly creative. As adults, they are often called dreamers. They learn by doing. They also need to feel through things before making decisions. They easily live in the world of ideas, and are drawn to expressive outlets like writing. They enjoy variety, like being the center of attention, and crave acknowledgment for their creativity. They also value friendship and easily enjoy life.
Parenting affective-style children should include lots of affection, conversation, and personal attention. Allow them to be creative. Encourage them to participate in drama and group activities. Remember, they rise to challenges that are presented as exciting and fun. Be sure to offer them structure and positive discipline. And, good luck asking these kids to take out the garbage!
Learning to appreciate each personal style, can promote harmony within the family. It can help parents and children make peace with such things as bedtime, homework, and chores. Plus, by knowing what motivates and interests your child, you will gain a better understanding of who they are as individuals.
About The Author ...
Caron Goode's (EdD) insights are drawn from her fifteen years in private psychotherapy practice and thirty years of experience in the fields of education, personal empowerment, and health and wellness. She is the author of eight books (www.inspiredparenting.net ) and the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents,(www.acpi.biz) a training program for parents & professionals who wish to mentor other parents. A mom and step-mom, she and her husband live in Whitney, Texas. Reach her at caronbgoode@inspiredparenting.net.
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