KEEP KIDS SAFE!

Neighbors Can Mentor Children Part 2
By Stephanie L. Mann

In 1964, one crime story shocked every American who heard it: Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death as she ran door-to-door, begging for help. Not one of her 38 neighbors called police or offered assistance. The “Genovese syndrome” became America’s symbol for the failure of neighbors to get involved.

A discussion on the Internet brought that tragedy to mind once again – and also reminded me why neighbors must be involved! 

The discussion centered around a seven-year-old boy who broke into four homes, trashed houses and abused neighbor’s pets.  

The question on the blog was, “What should neighbors do?”  

I read 27 responses and there was not one suggestion about helping this child.  Comments included things like, “…arrest the parents,” “…put the kid in juvenile hall,” “…insist the cops take action,” “…file charges,” and “…take the family to court.” Others said, “…call CPS (Child Protective Services),” “…mount security cameras to get evidence,” and “…you are living next door to a future Jeffery Dahmar (the notorious serial killer).” 

No one even considered the idea that the neighbors might sit down together, get to know each other better, and find a solution to the problem. Yet neighbors can have an enormous impact by caring about families. Neighbors can increase the well being of everyone in the neighborhood. 
A “circle of support” from neighbors can be critical for a child’s health and safety. Let me give you an example of how this idea can work.  

You Can Strengthen Families

At one point in my career as a crime prevention organizer, I was helping neighbors work together to stop burglaries in their area. After my presentation, one neighbor wanted to know what to do about a couple of brothers, aged 6 and 8, who he suspected of stealing tools out of his garage. He had reprimanded the boys but their behavior only got worse. That sparked a discussion as neighbors compared notes. They soon discovered the boys had vandalized other property by uprooting flowers, smashing potted plants, denting garbage cans and throwing rocks at pets. A mother added that she was concerned because the boys bullied and scared her children.

Listening to the discussion, a father angrily stated, “I tried to talk to their mother, but she slammed the door in my face.” An elderly man said, “I called the cops but they just talked to the mother and nothing changed.” Everyone agreed the boys would end up in juvenile hall if their bad behavior didn’t stop! 
After much discussion, the group decided to get involved.  The decision was made that two tactful neighbors would try to talk to the mother and offer support to get the boys under control. 

At the next meeting, everyone was anxious to hear what happened. One older woman who had talked to the mother reported, at first she was defensive. However, she and another neighbor calmed her fears by saying they had come to offer their help. The mother invited them in. As the conversation continued, the mother burst into tears, explaining that her husband was a drug addict who had stolen all of their money and left. She was struggling to pay the mortgage and support the boys. Her full-time job left her tired and unable to control her children. 

That meeting was a turning point, as neighbors befriended her. The mother received emotional support and neighbors began to include the boys in picnics, movies, and other activities. Several men took the boys “under their wing.” The boys had patient mentors who helped them learn how to handle their anger. 

Years later, I saw the mother and asked how her boys were doing. She stated with great pride, “They are doing great!” The youngest was on the football team and the older boy was in college. “I couldn’t have done it alone,” she added with a big smile. “My neighbors came to my rescue and changed our lives!”
Good neighbors have been a “circle of support” for families since time began.  Without discipline and respect for others, children are lost. Neighbors can help create a sense of community and turn destructive behavior into an opportunity to save a child’s future.  

What Can I Do To Help Keep My Neighborhood Safe?

• Take your child by the hand and go door-to-door to meet your neighbors.
• Give neighbors permission to call if your child misbehaves.
• Bring neighbors together to become a “circle of support” for children.
• Set up an emergency contact phone tree or e-mail list for your neighborhood.
• Organize a fun activity such as a block social or yard sale to give neighbors a chance to know one another.
• Talk about problems together and brainstorm solutions – instead of saying, “let the cops handle it.”
• Promote community involvement to help stop child abuse and neglect.
• Don’t wait until children get out of control. Don’t wait until a tragedy like Kitty Genovese’s happens in your neighborhood. Reach out and create a kid friendly neighborhood!  

RESOURCES:
“Safe Street Kids: A ten step guide to help children discover their self-worth and find their spiritual center.”  (Community Peacemakers)
 
“Safe Homes, Safe Neighborhoods: Stopping crime where you live” (Nolo Press) How to organize a block party, block parent program and how to keep children safe.  

 
These books can be found on www.safekidsnow.com