Helping Your Child Make Friends
There are many reasons why a child at school may lack friends. Some children are shy. Even around children they are accustom to being with, they may hesitate to comment or participate. Highly intelligent or children who strive to appear intelligent may also struggle to make friends. Children who are more intelligent than their peers often have a greater grasp of verbal language. This may make it difficult for other children to understand them. In a similar fashion, children who have a learning disability, especially boys, may also find it difficult to make friends.
Why Children Have A Hard Time Making Friends
- Children who are hyperactive and their behavior frequently gets them into trouble may be seen as having limited friend-making potential.
- Children who show emotional responses like crying, especially when they are male, may also have limited access to friends due to their behavior.
- Some children will often share that they do not have friends, when in reality, they do. Some children see other children talking with numerous peers leading them to think that they are not as popular, when in fact, they are very popular with one or two “true friends.”
7 Ways To Help My Child Make Friends
- Be patient. Realize that social skills take a life time to develop, groom and change for everyone.
- Set realistic goals with and for your child. It’s unrealistic for a parent to set a goal of his or her child to have 10 new friends by the end of the school year when the child is shy and not out-going. Set a goal of “one new, good friend that your child feels comfortable. Build off of that goal.
- Recognize that some children are very comfortable being alone. Some kids are so exhausted by the end of a school day that they, just like us adults, want “down time;” peace and quiet. This is a good thing!.
- Encourage your child to participate in extra-curricular activities at school, community center, church, park and recreations programs and clubs. Clubs are great! Most science museums have programs for children of all ages to “get involved,” while developing social skills.
- Speak with your child’s teachers, coaches, youth leaders and other adults who come in contact with your child on a daily or weekly basis. Share with the adult leader your concerns. Begin to team with that leader. Listen to their suggestions. Encourage you child to try some of the leader’s suggestions.
- Many schools have social development support groups. Now, don’t get defensive and begin to think “My kid has social skills! I don’t want my kid in that group.” That’s not the only purpose of the group. The purpose of the group is to 1) allow your child a chance to interact with other children like him or her in a safe, controlled environment, 2) allow your child a place to practice what you are encouraging your child practice at home and school, and 3) many school personnel running these groups will tell you that a high percentage of the students who participate in these groups actually go out and succeed in making more friends outside of the group- fairly quickly!
- Last, but certainly not least, are you ,the parent, being a good role model and making new friends yourself.? Do you invite new people over to your home? Do you go out and visit with other adults in their home, or join social community activities? Children often watch and try to do what their parents do.
thank you this was good
MY DAUGHTER IS 12 AMD IS VERY SHY AND LIKES TO BE ALONE
My 5th grader says she has no friends at school. I think she is fun, loves to laugh and I would not say she is shy. It worries me a little. She does not want to be alone but she says most of the time she is.
Still looking for help.
Thanks! This article reinforces many of the tactics I’m already using…I am concerned that my child reverts to citing our move to a new location as the source to all of his current ‘friendlessness’. He seems oftentimes seems depressed and tends to blame me for the move (and subsequent remarriage)…He did have many friends at his previous school & none here, so I can understand his frustration. I continue to watch his mood fluctuations & will monitor him to understand if/when he may need some more help. I appreciate this post.
I have a child that is 5 yrs old. He seems to try way to hard to make friends. He sort of pushes himself on them and in turn they push him away. I have no clue on what to do because the kids that he calls his friends are mean to him and say that my son annoys them. This affects his school also because he gets good grades but tries to act out in order to be funny so that the kids will like him. Please this is important can someone help?
Alysha, my son is 8 and is doing the exact same thing. Have you found a solution?
Alysha, Have you heard any feedback regarding your five year old and him making friends, etc. I don’t know the answer personally, but thought I would check and see if you have learned anything that was helpful. My nephew is ten years old and has the EXACT same issue. We just had dinner last weekend with the family and the entire time we are around him, he wants to be the center of attention. His mom (my sister) gets frustrated very easily with him, and I feel it is understable, but such a delicate thing. I worry about what he will be like when he becomes a teen. I have a 21 year old son who always had a hard time fitting in with others and ended up going to the world of drugs. He is in rehab right now and seems to be doing a lot better, but it has been a very very difficult road for him among the rest of us. I just wondered if you have learned about anything that might be helpful!
Parents: Click on Ask A Counselor and receive specific counseling feedback regarding your child’s challenges in making friends.
Scott
My child is in the 4th grade and tells me she hasn’t got any friends, the girls are mean to her and the boys tell her she can’t play football with them. she is super friendly and helpfull. She feels very lonly and sad. She is also an olny child. help me plz……….
I have tried all your suggestions and it hasn’t helped. She doesn’t want me to talk to the teachers incase the kids find out.
Help me plz, I am sad for her and don’t know what to do.
Hi. My son has the same problem. He’s fun, nice and loves to do things. A friend of mine suggested that I take him to a childrens psychology center that will teach him how to identify what a friend is. She did this for her son and the world of difference it made for him is amazing. he is now in high school with his own circle of friends. my friend said that she doesn’t feel that her son would be able to have friends with out the skills that he learned in the psychology center. Good luck! i know its heart breaking, I have anxiety over my kids social skills, especially him starting the 4th grade. Hes already told me that only 2 kids spoke to him on the first day this year. I cant wait to see what the psychology center can do for my son!
Talk to the teachers anyway confidentially. Have her join something outside of school. How about neighborhood kids? Let her invite whoever she wants over after school or on the weekends. Remind her of all her great personality traits; ie. “your kind, your funny, your good at…” etc. Fourth grade is a very hard social year for a lot of kids; 5th grade too. Kids can be heartless. Hang in there. If things don’t start looking up for her, I’d call the school psychologist and see if she can help somehow. When kids are mean, it isn’t the recipient’s fault. It’s the actions of the kid’s being mean that are at fault and they should be called on it. Where the hell are the teachers??? Good luck and hang in there; it can only get better is what I always used to say:-)
Find out if you can go on any school trips, that way you can see the children yourself. Perhaps then you could have one of the children for supper, cinema etc, sometimes if we get to know other parents and form friendships ourselves the bond grows with our children. Good luck
My son just turned 13. He’s been reading since he was 2 years old. He absorbs so much information in such a little amount of time because he shuts out the world and becomes the book that he reads. He has never had too many friends because he says no one is “like” him. He confided in me that he wants more friends but he is just now in the public school system and puberty stricken teenagers are just cruel. I struggle each and every day to find some kind of release for him. But he refuses to try to make friends. He is super sensitive and he is afraid to be shot down. I’ve tried everything you have suggested and he is still miserable at school. He swears that he is not being bullied, what can I do? This is killing me.
My 7 year old son finds it difficult to make friends at school. He is very confident and outgoing but his behaviour seems to annoy other children. How can i help him overcome this?
Hi Bal
my son is same- he is confident, intelligent and tends to annoy his peers. Spoke to his teachers they say he is impulsive… he says whatever is on his mind, which can annoy his 7 year old peers. My heart aches or him, and I don’t know how to help him.. but good to know that I/we not alone (but not good that you are going through this too)…. did you find a way to help your boy? I hope you did -viki
Our family moved to a new community 3 years ago. We haven’t made any friends, not my husband, myself or our two children.
We spent the 4th of July at a community event, both of our children were in the parade and not one person said hello to them.
It feels like we made a very bad decision for our family by moving here. I am not concerned for myself but for everyone else.
We are involved in the schools, we give time to social service agencies, we organize food drives, we smile and say hello to anyone we know but it feels like we are simply not welcome here.
I’ve started seeing a therapist who is nice enough but she’s not a friend. My husband and children are so nice and no one seems to care that we exist. We have never had this problem before and I am at a loss as to how to make things better for my family.
Did you move to a bigger city or a smaller town? My family and I moved two years ago to a much larger city on the East Coast from the the Mid west and I have noticed it is much harder to get to know people now. Some people look at you like your insane if you smile and wave just to be nice. My sons have made a few friends and I sometimes talk to my neighbor, but no deep friendships. I have been involved in my children’s school, but haven’t made any strong friendships there with other mothers yet. I guess it takes more time, when there are more people.
My 13teen year old son has lots of friends at school, but now it summer time and he seem to have no friends to hang with. he’s confident and is very funny with lots of energy too, so why dont he have friends?
Does your son make phone calls to his friends or do his friends call him? my son is 9 and thinks he doesn’t have to make calls to his friends and he doesn’t feel confident that if he does call that they would want to come and play with him.