“I hate my life. My so-called girlfriends gossip about me. One week I’m in the group, the next week I’m out. Some of my friends hate me because I like other kids. I’m sick of this!
Female Middle School Student
Why don’t we have a female president yet in this great nation called the United States? Come on! Forty-four presidents and not one female president has been voted into office? Only one female candidate has ever been on a presidential ticket. Some state sources indicate that 68% of the women voters’ report that they will not vote for a female President. Why?
When asked this question many women reported that they do not trust women. When asked “why?”, many women reported that they had poor experiences while growing up with female companions duirng their middle and high school years.
The “mean girl” syndrome, as it is often called, has been the topic of several teen movies that highlight how young females stop at nothing to be mean toward one another while striving to keep their unhealthy relationships intact.
For this reason alone, we need to take a good look at how our daughters interact with their female peers. This article explores female relationships during pre-teen and teenage years. It will also provide some basic developmental information as to why our daughters no longer come to us for help, guidance and influence. Parents must be aware of the information provided and avoid making comments such as:
“This is what all girls do. We saw girls doing this when we grew up. All girls girls gossip and this is what girls do.”
These statements and the thinking that leads to these conclusions will only harm our daughters, and sadly, negatively affect them for the rest of their lives.
“Popularity Is Everything!”
One parent’s comments:
“If your daughter is not using MySpace.com than she is not popular. If your eleven year old does not have a pair of Nike Air, than she is not popular. Did your child get picked to compete on the best dance-line, the “A” soccer team or the gifted math class, and then she’s not popular. Popularity, it’s everything! ”
To many elementary, middle school and high school girls, popularity means power, acceptance, great self-esteem and who you are. But, in reality, many girls who strive to be popular feel powerless, unaccepted, have low self-esteem and don’t know who they are.
“No Way Am I In A Clique!
“Hey, these seats are saved for me and my friends. What are you doing here?” Close friends who strive to be private and “exclusive” make a clique. If you ask a girl between the ages of 11 and 18 if she’s in a clique, she will most likely become defensive and irritated with your insulting question. In fact, she will most likely tell you that just because you are not in “their group” that you are not popular. This proves she’s in a clique. Cliques are not necessarily bad, in fact, sometimes they are helpful. Adults often report that they can relax more easily when they are around others that they know or have a common bond or interest. This is a clique. Animals in the jungle not only hang with other animals in their species, but animals in their species that have behaviors similar to them. This is a clique too. So why would anyone get defensive about being in a pre-teen or teenage clique? Because the word “clique” is a negative word to many children in this age group and it often implies that these kids are snobs or “think they are special.”
What Parents Can Do To Reduce the Mean Girl Symdrome
-
Listen to yuor daughter. Don’t dismiss or minimize their hurt feelings by saying “this is normal” or “all girls go through this.
-
Ask questions. Ask your daughter how she feels about being left out. When you daughter states that she feels angry, she may also be feeling hurt and depressed.
-
Speak with your Daughter’s school counselor. Some teachers may also be helpful. Ask your daughter who, at school, she can talk to to help her with this challenge.
-
Order and read the book, Odd Girl Out. Have your daughter read it too. It’s an excellent book and will provide you and your daughter insights about what to do and how to respond to feeling left out.
