Quick Parenting Tips: Enforcing Rules and Setting Limits for Children

2008 January 20 by: Scott

Children need set limits and rules to follow. Child behavior and child psychology experts encourage parents to sit down with their child to discuss guidelines on enforcing and setting limits. This should only be done after both parent meet and come up with a “game plan.” The hardships that come with parenting children can be reduced by parents teaming together to share ideas, support and application of proven discipline strategies. Depending on the developmental stage that you child is going through, some of the strategies for setting limits and enforcing rules may need to be modified.

Consequences should be meaningful, a learning opportunity and appropriate for the child’s age, situation and child’s reasoning ability.
Don’t make threats or set a consequence that you can’t apply.
Try to let your child know in advance what the consequences will be for breaking a set rule.
You may choose to make the consequence similar to your child’s school. For example, if your child is late to school, the consequence may be “make up the time after school.” If your child is late getting home late, the consequence may be “make up the time the next time he or she would be allowed to go out by sitting in their room.” If your child uses foul language at school, he or she will be suspended from classes for a day. If your child uses foul language at home, suspend the child for the day. Whatever you decide, make it stick!
Be business-like with your voice tone and words. Try not to lecture or use a lot of words. Say, “you arrived home late and you know the rule and consequence. You are in your room next Saturday night.” Walk away. Don’t wait for and argument or your child’s reaction.
Sometimes it may be appropriate for your child to come up with a consequence for breaking a rule. Of course, this should be done in advance. You may say, “Okay, if you’re late, what should happen?” Listen and wait. If your child says, “I don’t know,” you may say, “Then, I will have to set the consequence.” You may find, however, that your child may be harsher on him or herself than you would have been. Strive to get your child to be a willing participant in setting rules and consequences.

Some consequences are harder, or just as hard on the parent as it is on the child. For example: You may want your child to spent some time at a friends house so that you may go see a movie. Now, you have to stay home because your child broke a rule. It’s more important that you follow through, even though you may miss the movie. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or blame your child for you missing the movie. In the long run, your child will know that you feel it is more important that you will follow through and he or she will be less likely to break a rule in the future.

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