As a fun summer comes to an end, butterflies nerves fill the bellies of many children as they get dressed for their first day back to school. Parents assure their child that they will do “just fine.” For most children that’s where the anxiety ends; they reach the classroom, catch up with their friends and get on with their day. But for some children, the anxiety of leaving home and going to school is so overwhelming that they are unable to attend school at all; these children have become school phobic.
About 5-10% of American school children suffer from a mild form of what is commonly known as school phobia. About 1% suffer from a more severe form, leading to serious problems and school absenteeism. Chronic school absenteeism leads to greater risk for problems in later life – alcohol abuse, criminal behavior, underemployment and even marital problems.
School phobia isn’t just about a child having a tummy ache when it’s time for a long division test, but a serious, long-term anxiety disorder that’s on the increase, particularly among young children. School phobia is now a condition recognized by the National Phobic Society.
Causes of School Phobia
In the under-eights school phobia is usually attributed to separation anxiety – the child’s unwillingness to be parted from a parent. In the over-eights it’s usually about having uncomfortable feelings about school – this could be to do with friendships, fear of under-performing or a more general lack of self-esteem. In some cases home or family factors can play a role; for example, if there is an illness in the family, a recent divorce or if one parent is stressed or depressed.
The phobia can be triggered by general anxiety about school or a single traumatic event; a change of school, an embarrassing incident in class, a learning difficulty or returning to school after an illness are all recognized triggers. Symptoms can be physical as well as psychological. Children may suffer panic attacks, vomit or become withdrawn and socially phobic – real physical reactions to their unhappiness.
Other Possible Triggers for School Phobia
Being bullied.
Starting school for the first time.
Moving to a new area and having to start at a new school and make new friends or just changing schools.
Being off school for a long time through illness or because of a holiday.
Bereavement (of a person or pet).Feeling threatened by the arrival of a new baby.
Having a traumatic experience such as being abused, being raped, having
Witnessed a tragic event.
Problems at home such as a member of the family being very ill.
Problems at home such as marital rows, separation and divorce.
Violence in the home or any kind of abuse; of the child or of another parent.
Not having good friends (or any friends at all).
Feeling unpopular
Feeling an academic failure.
Fearing panic attacks when traveling to school or while in school.
School Phobia: What Parents Can Look For
Children with school phobia will be terrified of going to school and will be facing prolonged periods at home. For parents, it’s a confusing time; they are torn between their child’s misery and the need to get them educated. If your child has developed a phobia about school, he or she may have become withdrawn, will be making continued excuses for not going to school, and will probably be crying before school and during the school day. Sunday-afternoon syndrome may set in – the child will become miserable, anxious and tearful as the school week approaches.
How Parents Can Help A Child With School Phobia
If you think your child has developed a terror of school, talk to them and try to establish a root cause for their fears – try to unlock the problem in your child’s mind. Encourage them to talk about their feelings: they might have difficulty talking about the source of their anxiety, so take time to listen and to empathize. The key to kicking school phobia is to reintroduce the child to school gradually.
If your child’s symptoms are physical as well as psychological, you should talk to your GP and possibly get the child referred to a counselor. It’s important that the child can discuss their fears – and talking things through with a third party is often easier on a child.
Reassure your child. Tell her that she will be fine once she has got over the part she dreads.
Explain that her fears are brought on by thoughts that are not true thoughts: she is reacting to normal things in an extreme way.
Tell her she is brave for going to school. Although her friends find it easy, she has a private battle she has to fight every school day.
Tell her you are proud of her for being so brave.
Tell her you love her.
Keep to the same routine.
Make life boring for your child so that she has less to be anxious about.
Make her go to bed and get up at the same time every day (even on weekends) so that she has some secure framework to live around.
Find things that your child can look forward to each day.
Getting Expert Advice on School Phobia
Once you’ve talked to your child, then talk to the school. Meet with the school counselor, school psychologist or school social worker. Set up a meeting with one or all of these individuals and include at least one of your child’s teachers. Explore clues from home and school to determine how the child’s needs are not being met. Schools, according to the National Phobic Society, need to be better informed about the condition and often treat it as a form of truancy. It’s important that parents involve the school from the start.
School phobia is clearly a very distressing condition for children and parents, but if the problem persists, there are lots of organizations that can help with counseling, home tuition and legal advice about school absence.
My child has school phobia. He never had it before until he hit Middle school this year. It has been awful. He goes to school but then has panic attacks and vomits in school. I am glad you wrote about this. It helps. He has as psychologist, psychiatrist and we have been working with the school to try to keep him in school but all he wants to do is go home. It is so sad and depressing. He got much, much worse after the long winter break. For the past 2 weeks he has missed several classes a day – EVERY day. Awful! Fortunately he is really smart and still gets As and Bs. He is ADD though and takes Lexapro for anxiety but it is not helping him right now.
My child stopped having anxiety at the end of the school year (after having it most of the year) and it did not come back the following year. We did take him off of all medications and that seemed to help a great deal but I don’t know if it was just the passage of time or no longer being on medications for ADHD and anxiety.
One parent shared: My child has school phobia. He never had it before until he hit Middle school this year. It has been awful. He goes to school but then has panic attacks and vomits in school. I am glad you wrote about this. It helps. He has as psychologist, psychiatrist and we have been working with the school to try to keep him in school but all he wants to do is go home. It is so sad and depressing. He got much, much worse after the long winter break. For the past 2 weeks he has missed several classes a day – EVERY day. Awful! Fortunately he is really smart and still gets As and Bs. He is ADD though and takes Lexapro for anxiety but it is not helping him right now.
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How do you overcome this school phobia???
My Son is 6 and this has just started, just before Christmas.
He just looks so unhappy at school.
I have a son he is13 years old he is in eight grade he is very defying going to school he tells me sometimes that he wants to die so he did not have to go to school which scares me also because he do not want to communicate with me about what is going on in school that he do not want me to know i ask him but never get a response he is on therapy and also in care of a psychiatrist he also has taken Zoloft and celexa which he start like for three weeks one which is the Zoloft and the other for three days and complained that his head hurt and refuse talking it also with other meds too but not as bad as the antidepressant medications I really do not what to next please help me.
My daughter is 10 and just started 5th grade. She has never liked school much. She has friends, but isn’t very popular. She isn’t bullied though or made fun of. She is slightly shy, but not so much that it is a problem. Its only around new people. Well, she has always hated school. Once she is there in the morning, she usually deals ok after 10-15 mins. But usually at least once a week, Sundays and Monday mornings, she starts to get worried. She cries, gets nauseus and sometimes vomits in the car on the way to school. MY wife and I pay very close attention to her school life and teachers. We are sure there is nothing going on like bullies, or molestation or anything like that. Personally, I think its my wife and my fault. She is an only child and we have spoiled her so much. She doesn’t act spoiled or take advantage of anything. But the three of us are so close and such great friends that when school time comes, I just think my daughter dreads the idea of going and leaving us. Even the friends she has she isn’t very close to because she finds them boring and immature. My daughter has travelled alot around the world and is very worldly. She isn’t into typical 10 year old girl stuff like Hannah Montana and stuff like that. She prefers soccer, hiking, finding cool rocks, learning interesting history. She does like some kids stuff though. She collects stuffed animals and roleplays things. Loves her pet beagle beyond belief. Anyways, I just feel so bad for her each week and don’t want school to be such a horror for her. People tell me “tough love” and all that. I should be tough and don’t show so much pity and compassion for her and make her go to school no matter what. But, when she is vomitting in the school parking lot before the day even started, how can I make her go into school and have all her friends see her crying and all that. That would make it worse for her. Stuck and confused.
Can anyone help?
I forgot to mention, my daughter isn’t on any psychiatric medication or any medication. I am wondering if it is time for us to visit a child psychiatrist. I don’t know what to do or if its really all our fault for spoiling her with too much love as parents like we did.
Please don’t beat yourself up over this Chris! We went thru a very similar experience with our daughter, and I feel so fortunate that I was exactly the same way as a child! I knew that the best option was simply to love her thru it – and give her lots of attention, reassurance, guidance, understanding and love, love, love! Exactly what you are doing. If I hadn’t had the same issues, I would have let other people convince me that there was something wrong with her and she needed to get professional help. Now she is going into 6th grade and is so strong, happy, confident and crazy! She’s on student council, in 4-H and all kinds of other activities where she can’t hide or let fear get in her way. One thing that I think really helped was LearningRx. We took her there in 3rd grade mainly because I had heard that it was a great program to boost self-confidence. I didn’t tell them that that was my ultimate goal. After just a few weeks I did see a big change! We went to dinner one night, and even tho the bathroom was only about 10 feet from our table, we were thrilled when she and her little sister went together, alone without us! Crazy little thing, but huge in our world. She would let me be in another room in the house without telling her. And she stopped crying and making herself sick on nights before big events at school. I think LearningRx helped a lot, but so did our love, patience and understanding. Anyway, don’t stop being there for your daughter. Let her know you’re on her team, and don’t think you’re doing something wrong by loving her too much! BTW – I think as a child I was way worse – but you would never guess it now! I had a very high-profile, in front-of-the-public job before I quit to stay home with my 3 rock-star kids! Good luck!
my son is 8 years old we had some bad problems with his grandparents they would show him way to much attention like they tell him you don,t have to listen to your parents grandma would tell him that he came out of her belly things got realy bad.and for that reson he grew a strange bond to them.so my husband and i decited to move to another state cause ther was constant problems with them.it took a while for my son to trust us cause he could,nt understand why we moved cause in his mind they were the best and by the way they were also telling him that school is bad.so we were gone for three years he started school all was well.but they would constantly call and cry and beg us to come back then grandma got sick and they promised that they would change.so we moved back in the same town.we have bin back for 2 months and as you no school started and for some reson my son is scared crying and don,t want to go.i asked him if they have bin telling him something.he sed they were talking about the swine flu going around in school and how school buses tip over all the time on the news.i don,t know what to do any more
my son is 13 just started year 9 every day he wont go to school hes always got a headache makes himself sick he crys everyday which makes me cry im at my wits end ialways get called in for meetings with the ewo .i have asked for help for two and a half years but havnt got anywhere
My child is 16 and every day the school calls me at the same time. He is throwing up and having an anxiety attack. I took him to the doctors, phyciatrist and ending up calling him lazy….only to find out through his friends that he is constantly being harrassed by a jock at school. He is practicing self restaint and not fighting but internalizing everything. I feel horrible.. How did I miss the signs. The school has threatened to sue me for him missing class…well I got news for them, they are in for a fight….I am going to sue them for all the mental anguish this child has suffered if they dont put a stop to this right now! If your child acts totally different at school thatn he/she does at home…look deeply into it….I wish i had earlier!
my child is 9 and he is havingpanic attacks,vomitting and even wets his self ,he has a fear of going to school every day.it’s a big thing every day.when he doesn’t have school he worries about when is because he doesn’t want to go .he is a very slow learner and the kids are mean to him.he say’s the teachers get bad even doe they know he needs help.he makes his self sick every day.
I am 13, In year 9 and suffer from school phobia. I need help quick! I am soo upset that i have made my mum go through soo much. She is at her wits end and doesnt know what to do. I wish i could go to school. But i cant. Physically cant. I am sick, stomach aches and i feel like i am being shipped off to be executed when i am on the bus to school. I hate crowds and luckily, school understand so i go in an hour later. I am not on any medication and this has caused many problems between my mum and I. Please, i need tips. Can anyone help? Plus, my mum and dad are divorced which i have only just understood could be a factor in the school phobia. I feel frumpy and unpopular. I need friends. I feel I have no one to confide in cause i feel mum is just pressuring me and not understanding. I wish these problems coul go away…
my daughter and my life was the same.the meetings the shouting at each other over that place. two years later and she now does home schooling she a little happier but lonely.
my grandson thinks that he will have so much homework in 7th grade,his 1st year in middle school,that he will not be able to live.