Dending on the child development or parenting author that you follow, you may hear a variety or mixed opinions on "praising" a child for an approprite action as a positive parenting strategy or a harmful parenting strategy. Author, Jan Faull, presents some thoughts and suggestions that both sides can agree upon. Children need positive attention in the form of subtle and overt praise. Praise comes in a variety of forms, and should be used to affirm your child's positive intellectual, social, and physical abilities. This includes appropriate behavior as well.
Follow these seven guidelines on when and how to praise your child:
BE SPECIFIC
When your child paints a picture, rather than offering a judgmental form of praise--"beautiful picture"--offer a more detailed description of the child's work: "Look at all that blue paint on your picture, I love it." Your specific comment says you took time to notice his work. This form of praise is particularly meaningful to the child.
AFFIRM REALIZED EXPECTATIONS
Before you board the plane to visit Grandma, you tell your 3- and 5-year-old children that you have two expectations for the flight: (1) that they keep their seat belts buckled for safety (except when they need to go to the bathroom); and (2) that they whisper so as not to disturb the other passengers. During the flight, as the children adhere to each expectation, praise them: "You're doing a really good job." And once you arrive, in earshot of your children, express your pride again to Grandma.
OBSERVE NEW ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Your child just learned to ride a two-wheeled bicycle. She runs into the house with the exciting news. In addition to giving verbal praise, "Way to go, I'm proud of you," go outside and watch your child demonstrate her new skill. Your observing presence underscores your verbal, "good job."
PRAISE BABY STEPS TO ACCOMPLISHMENT
The first time your child writes his name, any gross approximation deserves a posting on the refrigerator. Don't wait for perfection to deliver a dose of praise. Say, "I see you wrote your name, let's put it on the refrigerator for everyone to see." Notice that you're not saying "I'm proud of you"; your child will nevertheless feel your pride from your action.
And please realize, this is not be the time to point out a backwards "b" or an uncrossed "t"--that would be criticism. Wait until the next written attempt to try teaching your child the correct letters. Even though the first printing wasn't perfect, with the parents' recognition of the effort, the child just naturally works to improve. That's the magic of praise.
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