Seven Healthy Ways to Praise

2008 January 28 by: Scott

NOTICE APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR FIRST
Your child is learning to dress herself; she’s completed the task except for her shoes. How do you respond? Tell her, “You’re dressed: You put on your underwear, shirt, pants, and socks. Good for you.” Pause and then say, “Don’t forget your shoes.” The parenting adage goes as follows: First notice what a child is doing that’s correct, right now; then point out what she needs to do next to complete a task.

OFFER UNCONDITIONAL PRAISE
In addition to celebrating your child for the appropriate behaviors she exhibits and tasks she accomplishes, don’t forget to honor her for absolutely no reason. Out of the blue, tell her, “I’m glad you’re my kid.” And when you’ve had a tough day of parenting, close it with, “Sometimes I get angry for what you do, but I always love you.”

GIVE PRAISE THAT SERVES YOUR CHILD’S PURPOSE
The most meaningful kind of praise a parent can deliver comes when a child is trying to accomplish a task that is part of her developmental repertoire: an infant banging an overhead toy, a toddler learning to stack blocks, a preschooler diligently trying to dress himself, a school-aged child mastering multiplication, a teenager managing the responsibility of driving.

What task is your child quietly trying to master? Once you realize what it is, move close, observe your child, and describe what he’s doing. By doing so, you praise your child’s developing competencies, and support your child’s attempt to master skills all on his own.