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Other factors to consider

Sibling rivalry is the jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters. It is a concern for almost all parents of two or more kids. Problems often start right after the birth of the second child. Sibling rivalry usually continues throughout childhood and can be very frustrating and stressful to parents. There are lots of things parents can do to help their kids get along better and work through conflicts in positive ways. Read on for tips and resources to help you keep the peace at your house. What’s the up-side of having more than one child? Most likely your kids’ relationship will eventually develop into a close one. Working things out with siblings gives your children a chance to develop important skills like cooperating and being able to see another person’s point of view.

Other Thoughts and Steps to Consider

1. Never compare your children. This one is a “biggie”.
2. Don’t typecast. Let each child be who they are. Don’t try to pigeonhole or label them.
3. Don’t play favorites.
4. Set your kids up to cooperate rather than compete. For example, have them race the clock to pick up toys, instead of racing each other.
5. Pay attention to the time of day and other patterns in when conflicts usually occur. Perhaps a change in the routine, an earlier meal or snack, or a well-planned activity when the kids are at loose ends could help avert your kids’ conflicts.
6. Teach your kids positive ways to get attention from each other. Show them how to approach another child and ask them to play.
7. Being fair is very important, but it is not the same as being equal. Your children need to learn that you will do your best to meet each of their unique needs. Even if you are able to do everything totally equally, your children will still feel as if they’re not getting a fair share of attention, discipline, or responsiveness from you.
8. Plan family activities that are fun for everyone. If your kids have good experiences together, it acts as a buffer when they come into conflict. It’s easier to work it out with someone you share warm memories with.
9. Make sure each child has enough time and space of their own. Kids need chances to do their own thing, play with their own friends without their sibling, and they need to have their space and property protected.
10. Set aside “alone time” for each child. Each parent should spend some one-on-one with each kid on a regular basis. Try to get in at least a few minutes each day. It’s amazing how much even just 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time can mean to your child.
11. When you are alone with each child, ask them once in a while what they like most and least about each brother and sister. This will help you keep tabs on their relationships, and also remind you that they probably do have some positive feelings for each other!
12. Listen—really listen—to how your children feel about what’s going on in the family. They may not be so demanding if they know you at least care how they feel.
13. Celebrate your children’s differences.
14. Let each child know they are special—just for whom they are.

Seek Professional Help

Go to: "Ask A Counselor" at ScottCounseling.com In a small percentage of families, the conflict between brothers and sisters is so severe that it disrupts daily functioning, or particularly affects kids emotionally or psychologically. In those cases, it's wise to get help from a mental health professional. Seek help for sibling conflict if it:

• Fighting becomes so severe that it's leading to marital problems

• creates a real danger of physical harm to any family member* is damaging to the self-esteem or psychological well-being of any family member
• may be related to another psychiatric disorder, such as depression

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