Is your teen constantly aruguing with you about everything?  As frustrating and time consuming that this may seem, teens are just trying to work things out.  Teens independence is a goal they are striving to reach.  Author and ScottCounseling friend, Christina Botto, has some interesting thoughts about why teens argue and what parents can do to reduce the arguements at home.

 Dealing With the Stubborn and Argumentative Teen

You will be surprised to hear that very few teenagers actually like to argue. They’re just trying to ask questions in order to find out why we do things the way we do them. Teens are starting to get interested in life and what goes on around them. In their awkward way, they are attempting to get at the reason for our actions. They form opinions and naturally wonder if our way is the only way.

 While “Do it this way” or “Because I said so” might have worked with your five year old, for your teen this statement does not satisfy his or her curiosity anymore.

 Due to the teen’s lack of communication skills, their questions are easily perceived as criticism by parents – and we get defensive. Some teens give up easily, surprised by the parent’s reaction if they don’t get the information they were after, while others just keep on trying – and parent and teen wind up in a heated argument.

• Teens strive to expanding their independence and will fight to have some input and control over their lives. They want to be able to make small decisions on their own, without the parent telling them how and when.
• If your teen feels he is being controlled or pressured too much he will either resort to stubbornly ignoring you and your request, or he will argue.
• When teen gets so focused on doing things his or her way and breaking out from under your control and pressure that nothing else will matter. For example, repeatedly asking your teen to do his homework could result in him not doing his homework at all – and your teen will not consider how this is affecting his or her grades.
• One way to avoid teen stubborn opposition is to give some control to your teen by attaching a time limit to your request. “Please finish your homework before dinner,” for example, and then don’t mention it again until dinner time.
• Allow your teen to make decisions on matters you know he can handle, and let him know that you are ready and available if he needs help. Involving your teen in decisions about him does not take away a parent’s power, but it shows your teen that you accept him as an individual and are ready to give him a chance. It also teaches him that he can indeed work with you through difficult situations.