My Child Wants His Way!

Most children begin to walk between the ages of 9 to 14 months old. The age at which children start to “toddle” can often be determined by their gender, race, physical attributes and family genes. For example, smaller, lighter children usually walk earlier than heavier, larger children.
Most parents, however, are not concerned about when a child begins to toddle as much as they become concerned with the temper tantrums. Toddler temper tantrums often begin around two years after a child is born; hence the name, “Terrible Twos.”

Developmentally, children entering the terrible twos are no longer toddling. Some are running! Many parents complain that their quick feet are turning into stamping feet and hot temper mouth.

Techniques to End a Temper Tantrum

Use fewer words: Young children often respond better to commands that contain short phrases or one word directives. “Come here,” “No,” “Stop now,” and “Pick up,” is often more effective than, “How many times do I have to tell you that I do not want you leaving all the toys all over the living room so that everyone one in the house will fall all over them while they are walking through the living room.”

Repetition & Consistency: The more repetition and consistent that you are as a parent, the easier it is for your child to learn to comply. If you respond to a temper tantrum one time by yelling back at your child (displaying your own temper tantrum), the next time by ignoring the behavior and the next time yelling again, the child sees inconsistencies in your behavior and loses the repetition or repeat of appropriate display of behavior.

Loving Voice: “I can see that you are having a hard time now. I will talk with you when you stop yelling.”

Using Gestures & Body Language: The use of facial expressions (often exaggerated) and body gestures (big smiles, frowns and hand movements) often works to reduce temper tantrums in place of using words.

 The Purpose of using gestures is not to be sarcastic or rude, but to slow the child down while keeping yourself calm.

 Repeat the Words Without the Behavior: When your child says, “I want a cookie! I want a cookie!! I want a cookie!!” You repeat back, “You want a cookie, I want you to stop yelling.” Follow your words with silence.

Ignore the Behavior: Unless the child is having the temper tantrum right in the middle of a shopping mall, walk away and ignore the behavior for the time being.

Totally Transform Your Acting Out Child

Further Reading:

• Parenting The Explosive Child
• Demanding Child
• Children’s Anger and Tantrums

Do you have a demanding child?

It’s not unusual for Children to begin to make some kind of demanding remarks between the ages of two and four years of age. This behavior is often a test given by a child to test parent limits and boundaries. Children who are demanding often are seeking control or may be facing some stress in their life. Parents who avoid stopping a child’s inappropriate demands may only be reinforcing such behaviors and allowing the child to develop a false sense of pride and security. Furthermore, there is growing research that supports the notion that demanding children become teenagers who feel they are “entitled” and “owed” whatever demands they make. Children need to learn early in life that they need a balance between giving and receiving.

 Changing Demanding Child Behavior

· Sit down with your child and discuss the difference between demanding behavior and polite, respectful request. It’s appropriate for a parent to let that child know that he or she is being demanding and need rephrase or change their voice tone when asking for something.
· Let your child know that they are going to get some of their request met with the answer “yes” and some met with the answer “no.” It’s okay to say “no.”