Ten Reasons to Respond to a Crying Child

2008 January 28 by: Scott

Many of us parents grew up during a time when our parents, teachers, coaches and youth leaders taught us that “you will not get what you want if you cry.” Although we want our children to grow up communicating in an appropriate manner, one that is mature and responsible, we also have to realize that crying is a form of communication. Crying shows that our child has feelings and emotions. Parenting children who show a range of emotions (some good, some inappropriate) is part of learning. Child psychology and child behavior specialist agree that teaching our children appropriate pieces of expression and a part of the developmental stages that children go through in life.

Jan Hunt’s article written below provides parents with some helpful insights to a child’s tears and crying. While we become more knowledgeable in our child’s development, our parenting skills improve. Here are ten reasons why parents need to respond to one of our child’s developmental needs.

1. A baby’s first attempts to communicate cannot be in words, but can only be nonverbal. She cannot put happy feelings into words, but she can smile. She cannot put sad or angry feelings into words, but she can cry. If her smiles receive a response, but crying is ignored, she can receive the harmful message that she is loved and cared for only when she is happy. Children who continue to get this message through the years cannot feel truly loved and fully accepted.

2. If a child’s attempts to communicate sadness or anger are routinely ignored, he cannot learn how to express those feelings in words. Crying must receive an appropriate and positive response so that the child sees that all of his feelings are accepted. If his feelings are not accepted, and crying is ignored or punished, he receives the message that sadness and anger are unacceptable, no matter how they are expressed. It is impossible for a child to understand that expression of sadness or anger might be accepted in appropriate words once he is older and able to use those words. A child can only communicate in ways available to him at a given time; a child can only accomplish what he has had a chance to learn. Every child is doing his best, according to his age, experience, and present circumstances. It is surely unfair to punish a child for not doing more than he can do!