When Mom Gets Breast Cancer: What To Tell Children
2008 November 20 by: ScottThe experience of having a doctor tell you or a loved one that they have breast cancer can certainly be traumatic. But, what about telling the children. ScottCounseling provides answers from the doctors and hospital social worker.
QUESTION: How much should children know about the breast cancer that mom has?
Joan Hermann, L.S.W.
“I think that the major issue for children is their own need for safety and security, so how will the family’s life change as a result of what’s happening? If Mom’s in the hospital, who will pick the children up from school, who will cook dinner—basic things like that, so the child is reassured that mom is still taking care of them. The basic message is that you will be taken care of, no matter what happens. And that’s universal for any age child. It’s also a very good idea for somebody to let the child visit the hospital to see what their mom is experiencing. I think little kids can go into hospitals safely if they are prepared and the parent does not look terribly, terribly sick. Two and three-year-olds can visit the hospital if the mother has the energy for it and, of course, any child who goes into the hospital needs to be prepared for what they will see. So, nurses are often very helpful with that. What’s that IV pole? Why does mommy have a Band-Aid on? Those kinds of questions.”
QUESTION: How do kids feel about seeing mom bald?
Dr. Marisa Weiss
“Some women I’ve taken care of have made a joke of their baldness. Their children have put temporary tattoos on their heads. They’ve done playful things like that, giving their children permission.”
Joan Hermann, L.S.W.
“The mother’s attitude is enormously helpful. There may be times when mothers actually fake it, when they pretend that it’s not as awful as it feels inside, so their children don’t perceive it as a terrible thing that’s happened. What I mean by that is that the woman may feel absolutely dreadful, but if she lets all her feelings become unleashed on the child, that can feel overwhelming to the child.”
Mary Jane Massie, M.D., Director, Barbara White Fishman Center for Psychological Counseling, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center as seen on ABC News.
Click and watch:
ABC News: How Can I Tell My Children About My Breast Cancer?
